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Reflections One Year LaterEdit

This is a page that I started to collect my thoughts from approximately 1 year after mom's death. Feel free to add your own feelings or link to your own pages.
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DadEdit

Dad wrote his thoughts on his own page here .


VinceEdit

It rained this weekend. Contratry to the sentiments of most southwest Oklahomans (and my lawn) I have been thankful for a dry summer. The overcast sky and wet air is an opressive reminder of the days leading up to mom's death one year ago.

There are fewer days now during which I walk about in a mournful daze. The feelings and memories do not surface readily for me, but my melanocholy is evident, especially to Kristen.

The days that I stay busy seem to blur past at a frantic pace. While this makes time pass more easily, when I look back, the year seems like such a short period of time. There are days that I still don't feel like she is gone. There are other days when her absence weighs heavily on me. Sometimes planning for the future without mom feels like trying to paint a garden without the color green. Flycogen 16:42, October 16, 2011 (UTC)

Matt


You would think that a year would assauge the pain, but it feels like time has done just the opposite for me. If anything, the past year has only given me more time to reflect on how profoundly she affected my life while she was still here.

I am going to be graduating from pharmacy school soon and these past six years have been grueling and hellish at times. But, sources of comfort and motivation were always knowing that I had her support and that she would be there on my graduation day. Now, that won't happen.

Mom and Dad talk about her frequently, making asides along the lines of "If Chu was here, we could have done this all together and had alot of fun." But, sometimes I wish they would stop doing that because I feel it forces me to confront my feelings of sadness surrounding her not being here anymore.

When I do confront these feelings though, they feel heavy. Most repetitive is that "she's gone and there's no way you can bring her back" and that pisses me off the most. It pisses me off because of all the impossible things in this world that can't be done, this one is the most impossible. The finality and permanence of that statement is crushing.

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